The 6 Stages of the Leader’s Journey

You stepped up, you picked yourself.

You want to change something or somebody.

You have departed.

And you are here.

Now.

You crossed a river in your Journey and you left the world of “Average” behind.

Average… not standing out, not making a difference, not making use of the short time we have on this Earth.

Average is easy. Easy because you divest yourself of any responsibility for your reality. You allow others to tell you what to do and if you’re not happy with your outcomes, you can blame them.

Not you, though. For some reason you are here. You crossed a river from the world of Average into the new. And I’m guessing that “some reason” is you decided at some point, or the Universe decided for you, that “average” wasn’t you.

But now you have to deal with the consequences of saying, “I’ll do it”.

It’s going to be tough. That’s why most people stay fixed as managers throughout their entire lives, but you chose to be a Leader.

And if you’re a woman, you’re more badass than the rest of us because, as we discover, this isn’t about confidence, this is about dealing with rejection.

And if you’re man… it still ain’t easy.

Leaders are outsiders.

Steve Jobs called them the “Crazy Ones” (full video here) — based on Jack Kerouac’s original writings. Crazy because they think they can change the world, not because they had a job title that gave them permission.

You see, Leadership isn’t a job title.

Because you picked up this book, you stepped up and picked yourself. Leadership isn’t measured by what’s on your business card or the size of your office chair; Leadership is measured by the attention you have earned.

If you have people’s attention, you have the most valuable commodity in business today. Use it.

You may be leading a team through difficult times, leading transformation of your department or thinking about how your experience and skills can stay relevant in constantly changing times.

Your journey won’t be measured by effort, it will be measured by change.

A warning.

It’s going to be lonely; you’ll face self-doubt and rejection. At times you’ll feel like you’re banging your head against the wall. And you will face your final test in Scene 5 when your paradigm finally changes shape.

Transformation.

Trans = change Form = shape

This Guide is a Map to help you get to the final scene of transformation as a Leader. The good news is this… you’re not the only one. I’ve been through this many times as an entrepreneur of 20 years, most of the times I answered a calling rather than followed some “master plan”.

Most recently, I left Japan to set up a Podcast Agency in Singapore. I left the comfort of semi-retirement, risked reputation and life savings on something I believed in passionately. If someone had written the life manual for these challenges, it would have been somewhat easier. But they didn’t.

And that’s the challenge every Leader faces: you’ll be writing your own Playbook.

As Harley Davidson once wrote, “when writing the story of your life, make sure nobody else is holding the pen.”

That pen is firmly in the grip of your hands now… ….exciting and terrifying as that sounds.

Writing your own Playbook is tough. It’s not tough in the sense you don’t have the energy and dedication. Oh yes, there are millions of people out there taking the advice of “following their passion” only to get destroyed by the brutality of Leadership.

“But you said, ‘follow your passion’!?” they protest.

Unfortunately “follow your passion” is one of the worst pieces of advice out there. Sure, we all remember Steve Jobs and his Stanford Address encouraging us to listen to our hearts. But what of the 1 million Steve Jobs wannabes who never made it? What of those who had to “follow their passion” inside the 4 walls of a bank? What of those startup founders who risked everything and lost?

We don’t hear about them.

Psychologists call this “Survivor Bias”. Mark Zuckerberg made it look easy. He dropped out of Stanford, raised a few million and then became a billionaire. What’s difficult about that?

What’s difficult is that we only hear about Zuck. We don’t hear about the million Facebooks that never were. And I bet every single one of them was “following their passion”.

So, “following your passion” and “never giving up” are table stakes. These get you in the game. These are the qualities that give you an entry ticket to the competition. But, winning, changing, leading requires a new set of qualities that most don’t have.

You have to be good at rejection.

You see, Leadership is not a popularity contest.

If you want to be liked, get a dog. If you want to Lead, be prepared to face resistance. Every breakthrough is at first a break-with.

So, know this too… your success as a Leader will be measured by your ability to do what’s needed as opposed to what’s popular. And that’s hard.

That’s also why we don’t have nearly enough women leaders. Robin Hauser calls this the “Likeability Dilemma” (see TED speech here). Men, unfortunately, get a lot more chances as kids at breaking the mold. This manifests in later life giving the risk takers among them more confidence in facing rejection.

There are a number of bad-ass women leaders like Jacinda Ardern (NZ Prime Minister) and Abby Martin (Journalist), but nearly not enough. And much of the problem stems from dominant narratives that paint women as compliant and docile (agreed, Disney is changing). It’s not a case of “this is how women lead”. Male and female leadership are no different. Sure, they may express it in different ways but if it’s about stories that help us transform and engage, that’s leadership.

Hopefully, more women will step up to the mic and start telling their story.

Yes, it would be great if the media stopped lionizing women “leaders” who were the husbands of former Leaders and gave those who deserved a break a run-out. But, we have a long way to go and it’s a challenge. We’re not just dealing with the last 10 or 20 years of social media but 1000s of years of compounded societal narratives that are subtle yet powerful.

If a woman needs a man’s permission to tell stories, they ain’t leading.

Leaders step up.

This isn’t about confidence, this is about practise. All we can do is practise more.

If you want to become more confident, you have to practise more.

(I also recommend this rather awesome and enlightening TED speech on Rejection Therapy by Jia Jiang, from his book “How not to get Rejected”)

Confidence isn’t a personality attribute, it’s practice. And you?

Are you prepared to get rejected?

Are you prepared to be laughed at?

Are you prepared to be doubted by your colleagues and peers? …for what you believe in?

Because of this, many Leaders fail. They get distracted. They lose focus on the truth.

The truth gets clouded out by the constant chatter of the social media firehose and the “voices” who all have free advice to share.

As Seth Godin asks, “Do Pigeons shit on the statue of critics?”

Of course they don’t… because they don’t build statues to critics.

Critics are the distractions that will present themselves along the path in many guises to test you.

At first, it will be difficult to measure their value to you. A benevolent monk may be a thief in disguise. A suspicious looking outsider may actually be a misunderstood but insightful guide. You know how the tales go. In your journey, they will be people, ideas and opinions. They will trick you into doubting your own thoughts or your own people.

They may succeed in making you give up. Or they may reveal the path you need to take to your next destination.

So, if you value the expectations and opinions of other people too much, you will struggle in this journey. You have to be prepared for Pigeons to shit on your head I’m afraid.

And this makes Leadership even more valuable.

Because those that persist and make it through to Scene 6, are those that believe in their truths to the extent that they are willing to pay the price to realise them.

And the world needs Leaders.

Especially now. All around us there is change and crisis:

• The Covid19 Pandemic

• Work From Home

• The 4th Industrial Revolution

• The Asian Century

• Digital Transformation

Mankind cannot manage its way out of a crisis or to a better future. This is the difference between being a Leader and being a Manager.

• Leaders change

• Managers optimise

If you ask a Manager to take us to the Moon, he’ll build a taller tower.

Leaders, however, disrupt. Leaders change and Leaders take us forward. Leaders took us to the Moon in a world of black & white TV. Just pause to consider the greatness in that achievement.

So when you step up you also commit to a journey in which you will discover your greatness.

But remember, the first bird gets all the arrows.

If you’d rather manage comfortably, then accept you will be average forever.